9 Week Pictures

Not that there's much to see!

There is nothing that wasn't already there.

9 weeks

I'm 9 weeks today!  And apparently a very bad blogger, but I promise to get better.

I had my first appointment with the doctor yesterday and another ultrasound.  The little baby isn't so little any more!  I can't believe how much he or she has grown in the past 3 weeks.

You can see the head on the left, and two little arm buds!  It looks like the legs are tucked in because you can't see them, and that huge bulge is my bladder.  Ugh, yes, my bladder.  I have been getting up to urinate about 5 times a night, and at least a dozen times a day.  I assumed this was a normal part of pregnancy, but as it turns out, that's a bit excessive.  The urine I gave my doctor on 12/11 came back clear of anything, but I had to give another sample yesterday and they're going to monitor it.  Basically, that's a hyper distended bladder and every though I FEEL like I'm emptying it when I go to the bathroom-I'm not.  An hour later I feel 'full' again.  I hope this can be resolved soon because sleeping hasn't been very fun.

I decided to do my Bump Survey on Saturdays since that's when my weeks start.  I'll update with a 'belly' (food baby) picture later.

Week: 9
How Big is Baby: From TheBump.com-Baby is the size of an olive!

Weight Gain: I've actually at -5.4 lbs.  Between the Metformin and no more wine, this isn't surprising and my doctor is okay with it :)
Gender: Chris will probably try and give it back after delivery if it's not a boy.  (I'd like a boy too!)
Names: We have a boy name picked out, and we're not sure on a girl name.
Symptoms: Dry heaves, frequent urination, fatigue, random acne, and that's about it enough
Sleep: Horrible, since I get up so often to pee
Movement: Too early
Maternity Clothes: Still in normal clothes, which are actually fitting great because I've lost 5 lbs.
Food Cravings: I had a moment on Thursday where I had to immediately make homemade mac n cheese.  It was a first for me.
Food Aversions: Coffee, yuck.
Stretchmarks: None that weren't already there, but my stretch mark oil should arrive the day after Christmas.
What I'm Looking Forward To: Christmas.  My mom AKA Santa told me she bought us a dishwasher for Christmas and I cannot wait.
What I Miss: A glass of wine with dinner & sleeping through the night.
Next Drs Appointment: January 21st
Best Moment of the Week: Seeing the baby yesterday with Chris & my mom there!!

6 Weeks...in NOLA!

We made it to our honeymoon and I am so excited! This comes after we've been married for 6 months, but it's no less special.

Thursday morning, I had more spotting with cramping. Because this is the second time, my OB wanted me in for an ultrasound after getting another beta. In retrospect, I was measuring 2 days behind which is probably why my betas were a little low. So in I went for an ultrasound, measuring at 5w5d (when I thought I was 6w)....AND WE SAW A HEARTBEAT!!!! I can't believe it. How lucky am I? I got 2 beautiful little pictures to take home, and baby is currently .24cm small :)

We leave for our cruise this morning and will be back in a week; then we have another 2 nights in NOLA! I am so excited and feel like I can relax and enjoy knowing that we have a teeny tiny little heartbeat in there! This pushes my EDD back to July 27, which is just fine with me, and I'm 6 weeks today!

Long overdue post

I'm so sorry I have been so bad at updating.  Between some stress at home with my in-laws and a laptop that no longer holds a battery charge, I have been unmotivated to sit down and type. On Tuesday, November 13, my HCG level was 15.  This is low.  You're only considered pregnant if you have a level of 5 of above.  The testy nurse at my ob's office said "Yes, you're pregnant, but this number is REALLY low."  Gee, thanks for the reassurance.  They ordered a second draw for Thursday.  At this point, I was done dealing with this nurse who had been nasty SEVERAL times, so I called another practice for a 2nd opinion.  I was told that they couldn't see me until December but that a nurse might be able to call me the next day.

Thursday I get my results and the number doubled (like it's supposed to) to 30.  The evil nurse says "You're pregnant, nothing more to worry about, see you around 10-13 weeks. Shortly after I got those results, a nurse from the practice I intended to switch to said "I pulled your results from the hospital and the doctor would like to get a 3rd draw on Monday."

Monday, November 19th,  I made the jump to 259!  This really solidified this pregnancy for me, and how I felt that the new practice was much more sensitive to my concerns and PCOS diagnosis.  Also, they put me BACK on the Metformin, which my old ob's office told me to stop taking as soon as I got pregnant.  New ob (Dr. M) said that staying on it through the first trimester actually helps lower the risk of miscarraige in women with PCOS.

We leave for our LONG OVERDUE honeymoon in 2 days-I can't wait!  Jamaica, Cayman Islands, Cozumel, and New Orleans-here we come!  We get back Dec 10, and Dec 11 I have my first appointment at my new ob's office, and Dec 21 I have my first ultrasound!

Spotting

At 3 weeks & 5 days today, I had some spotting.  I had a little bit of light cramping yesterday afternoon on the same side as my follicle had been on so I was hoping it was implantation cramping.  Today at work, I wiped and had some spotting.  I freaked out and called my ob's office, who sent me in for a quantitative HCG test today, and another one in 48 hours to see if my numbers have risen.

Please keep your fingers crossed & say a prayer for me.

Today I am...

3 weeks & 4 days pregnant.

I never expected this with my first cycle of Metformin, but I feel so, so, so incredibly lucky.

I tested Friday morning and got a negative, Saturday morning and got a negative.  This morning I woke up and tested at 5am and brought the test back to my nightstand, set the timer on my phone for 5 minutes, and read a 'negative' in the dark (light from my iphone) 5 minutes later.  I got out of bed 30 minutes later, carried the test into the kitchen, and saw this:

I know that evaporation lines are definitely a possibility when you read a test outside of the time limits, so I tried very hard not to get my hopes up.  Instead, I bought a box of First Response Early Result tests on my way to work and held my pee for 2 hours.  When I was about ready to burst, I took my purse into the bathroom at work and got this:

It's faint, but it is so there.  So there.  Today I am pregnant, and nothing else except for that is important.  I can't worry about tomorrow when I have this beautiful today.  It's so much easier said than done, but I would like a low-stress pregnancy; I know it's important for me and the baby.

I plan on telling my immediate family at Thanksgiving next week :)

Halloween Ultrasound

I had such a positive week, regardless of all the hurricane devastation in our community.

Halloween night was my transvaginal ultrasound to help confirm my PCOS diagnosis.  Earlier in the day I had felt cramping on the lower left side of my abdomen, where my ovary would be.  I even texted a TTC friend and asked if she had felt ovulation pains and what they felt like; I also had ovulation-friendly cervical mucus and was feeling really positive about what my body was doing.

That night at my ultrasound, the tech said my lining looked really good, and was consistent with midcycle lining that the OBs like to see.  She also said that I had great mucus.  She looked at my right ovary first and said it was definitely polycystic, large and lots of tiny follicles.  Then she switched to the left side and said "Well Emily, you better go do your homework!  There's a great mature follicle on this side!"  I was floored and starting crying right then and there, because I was so afraid they wouldn't see a good follicle.  The next morning, yesterday, my OPK pee stick was positive!  So fingers crossed for a baby May this month-all the stars seemed to have aligned.  I truly credit being on the Metformin because I've never had all my symptoms line up like this.  Even if this isn't our month, I should have a great luteal phase, and then ovulate again next month, while we are on our honeymoon!!!

Sleepy Saturday

The Metformin is killing my digestive system.  Everything I want to put in my mouth has to be carefully evaluated as to how it'll affect me in a few hours.  Anything that's very carb-heavy, sugary, and alcohol are completely off the list.  My carbs need to be very balanced with protein.  One glass of wine at dinner last night had me miserable for hours at home afterwards.  I've already lost 4 lbs.  I know that rate of weight loss won't continue, but if I've got to have some sort of perk to this drug, that would be it.

My friend Jill had her beautiful baby boy this week.  I am so happy for her & her husband.  She's the same age as Chris, and it's very reassuring to know that there are people willing and happy to have kids in their 30s & 40s.  I can't wait to meet him in person.

I don't have a lot to say this morning; Chris & I both slept horribly and it's kind of gross outside.  I've still got a nasty cough and I just want to lay in bed all day.

4 Months Later...

Chris & I got married on June 9th, 2012.  It was the most perfect evening.

We had about 3 weeks of newlywed bliss before I saw the first dirty sock (or 10) all over the bedroom floor.  3 weeks before he found the Brita filter empty one morning (or 4 mornings).  3 weeks before it was my turn to take care of the dogs in the morning, when it was really his turn.  3 weeks before he (I) forgot to take out the recyles, before he worked too many hours at his 2nd job, before I didn't help take care of the pool; it was 3 weeks before we started to fall from perfection.  There is this horrible stigma that comes with many newlyweds-everything is bliss. When you realize it's not-that life is really normal, with ups & downs-it can be a bit of a letdown.

September was a really hard month for us.  We spent most of it with an invisible line down our bed, angry words on our lips, and blaming in every point of a finger.  But when fall came in a month later, so did forgiveness & acceptance-acceptance that we didn't have to be a perfect couple, that trying to be a perfect couple drove us farther apart, because we weren't being true to our selves, and our relationship.

4 months after our wedding, I have learned the following:
1) I will never, ever spend another night with my back turned to my husband.
2) Fights are normal.  They don't make your relationship a failure.
3) Men don't really understand periods, or ovulation, or ovaries, or PMS...and it's probably better that way.
4) I still don't know why his bathroom habits should be part of any conversation.  Or why he comes out of the bathroom smiling after he's been in there for 20 minutes.  I have learned nothing about this part.
5) Don't ever tell your mother anything about your relationship that you don't want her to remember FOREVER.
6) Listen to your husband when he talks.  If he's anything like mine, his words are chosen carefully, with a purpose.  99% of the time, he's more rational than me.

and

7) Never, ever correct him when he says "ob-ulation" instead of "ov-ulation."  It is too fucking cute.

Here's to you, the love of my life!

Now you will feel no rain
For each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now each of you will feel no cold
For each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you
For each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons
But there is one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place to enter into the days of your togetherness
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

-An Apache Wedding Blessing, read at our ceremony

"You're Probably Not Ovulating"

The Husband (Chris) & I had this moment in May of this year, about a month before we got married, where we decided that it was close enough to the wedding that it wouldn't matter if I was walking down the aisle knocked up, and just went for it.  Truthfully, I wouldn't have minded walking down the aisle 7 months pregnant, but my parents may not have gone for that.

Such a big decision sparks the tiniest, fleeting thoughts that enter your mind everyday, like shooting stars.  "Can I take this Tylenol?"  "Is this allergy pill going to make it harder to get pregnant?"  "What if I'm pregnant right now, ohmygod, put down the wine glass."  It is very easy to become consumed by these thoughts, and takes calculated effort to not live your life like you're pregnant until you're ACTUALLY pregnant.

I started to know something funny was going on in July.  My period was 'late', according to how long my cycles usually lasted, and I had a lot of mid-month cramping.  August, my cycle was even longer, and I started charting: using ovulation predictor kits (OPKs), and taking my BBT (basal body temperature) to see when I was ovulating.  All the results I got from doing this were all over the map.  I was getting positive OPKs more than once a month, which isn't supposed to happen.  Temping is supposed to show a clear temperature shift which can indicate ovulation, but I was unsuccessful with this, because I'm a horrible sleeper and you really need to temp at the same time each day.

On Tuesday, Sept 24th, I got a positive OPK (this generally means you will ovulate 12-36 hours later, but it's possible to get a positive OPK and never ovulate-your body tries & fails).  Ten days later, on October 4th, I woke up & took an OPK.  It was positive, which I thought was weird, since I already had one that cycle.  I remembered reading online that you can also get a positive OPK if you are pregnant (because the 'ovulation' hormone (LH) and the pregnancy hormone (HCG) chemically look the same on an OPK), so I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive.  And then another one 10 minutes later, and that was positive too.  I woke up H and we both cried happy tears, and all the stress that had been nagging me in the back of my mind-saying 'something's wrong, you have these weird symptoms, your cycles are weird, you need to talk to your OB'-disappeared.  We did it!  I called my doctors office and made an appointment for the next morning.

The next morning before the appointment I woke up and took another pregnancy test.  It was negative.  I went into panic mode.  My doctor did a beta blood test (quantitative pregnancy test-measures the amount of HCG in your blood, not just the presence of it) and confirmed that there was no HCG.  No pregnancy, no baby.  The hardest thing I've ever had to do is tell H that it was all one big mistake.  A fluke, maybe?  A false positive?  Sometimes ovarian cysts can produce HCG, which could turn a pregnancy test positive.  I cried myself to sleep for two days. I mourned the loss of something I never really had.  I thanked God I hadn't told my mom that I had gotten a positive pregnancy test.

Fast forward to Friday, Oct 12th.  I started having horrible, cramping pains.  I blew up overnight-6 lbs!  My face broke out, I was an emotional wreck, and I started to remember these feelings from 8 years ago-ruptured ovarian cysts.  I made an appointment with my doctor, and that brings us to today.

"Based on the symptoms you're describing, you probably have polycystic ovarian syndrome, possibly Type 2 diabetes.  I'm going to order an internal ultrasound, a fasting glucose test, and check all your thyroid levels. Since you're getting multiple positive OPKs per month (a common symptom of PCOS), you're probably not ovulating.  I'm going to start you on Metformin today, which should help you lose weight, and hopefully spark ovulation."

Boom.  "You're probably not ovulating" might as well be saying "Your body is not doing the one thing biology dictates it should do."  I know that until I get the test results nothing is confirmed, but because I have had a near-diagnosis in the past, my OB is pretty sure that what I'm experiencing now is PCOS.

She's starting me on 500 mg Metformin 2x/day.  My u/s is Oct 31st, and I can get the bloodwork done about 5 days after I finish the prednisone I'm on right now for bronchitius.  My followup appointment is Nov 27th, 3 days before we leave for our belated honeymoon.  I feel grateful that there is a plan in place, but disgusted with my own body at the same time.  I have been busting my ass counting calories, kicking butt on my elliptical, and my weight still isn't moving.  This is another common symptom of PCOS, because of the insulin resistance.  The Metformin should help with this.

So now, we're in a sort of testing period, trying out the medicine, having the tests done.  Nov 27th seems really far away to hear any answers.